You know those little moments in life, that change your whole perspective? Those seem to keep happening to me. What's sad is that I always seem to forget them before I can get them down on paper, or burn it into my memory. Or those dreams that mean so much to you, that are so magical you can't help but feel empowered whenever it crosses your mind. I hate that after awhile, it loses its impact, fading away more and more, until you forget it completely. Until all you're left with is a sense of being left behind. I wonder what hurts more, being left behind, or realizing that you have left someone behind. I can just imagine it in my mind, every time it happens, the image of me on a rainy day, on an endless sidewalk. I look around and realize that suddenly I'm alone, it hurts. It always leaves me with this feeling that I have just been punched in the stomach: breathless and weak. Has anyone ever read the manga series 'Fruits Basket'? Near the end of the books she faces the battle that she is leaving the memory of her dead mother behind for love. It's sad.
Also, I have just finished reading the book 'This Lullaby' by Sarah Dessen. She talks about how everything in, the big things that stay with us for years, are always made up of the little things. The big days always happen on the days we expected nothing but... just another day. So there is no control, no handle on life, no matter how hard we wish there was. But... that's sort of the beauty of it all. Knowing that there are surprises around every corner, in every minute of the day. No control means the beauty of just watching the little things that make up all the large moments in our life.
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